Mind wanders

Anxious mind wanders. Easily distracted, vulnerable, weak. It feels anything small can ruin your time, make you fixated and obsessed with small details.

Smaller details distract you, you stop seeing the big picture lose the fine thread of thought that brought you so far. Open social networking app, scan for anything new, close it. Open it again three seconds later, out of habit. A dirty, distracting, annoying habit. Open another social network app. Another. Check your email, nothing new there. Read some depressing news about a murder, a kidnapping, fires are burning, planet is dying, we're at the point of no return. Keep spiraling off a one bad thing into another.

You keep rotating and jumping between the things that feel safe and comfortable, but they never are. They are there to bring illusion of order, of control, but they are manipulating you. You feel passive, as if you're losing grip on reality, as if everything and everyone is out to get you, to hurt you. That everyone has abandoned you and every man for themselves in this "dog-eat-dog" world.

Nothing of it is true. Your distractions won't bring happiness, your life won't be different unless you become the driving force for that change.

You know, what helps me? I find that being creative is motivating. Consuming content, spending life rarely brings that warm spark inside my soul. What really makes my heart beat is playing god. Not controlling someone's life, but giving life to small things. You can plant a tree, write a poem, hell, you can arrange words in a few sentences and post them on the Internet, where no one will see them. Somehow, that makes me relaxed, as if channeling frustration and feelings of losing grip or reality into neuron connections that make your finger go "taka-taka" on a soft keyboard actually lets you control something. That something is your own fate.

I'm a strong believer that every single person is a god. Their domain is their life, their dogma is their actions. In this beautiful world only rules are the ones you make for yourself, when you follow through with them. When you stay strong and true to your principles and ideas. Change for good, spread motivation and give life. Even in the darkest hour, when things seem out of your control, you have to remember - if you can't change the situation you can always change how you feel about it.

There is no good and evil, right or wrong, no equality and no balance in life. Everything goes in waves and world can be unnecessary harsh. Swinging on a pendulum of fate may make you feel dizzy.

Do remember, people do care about you and will help, you only have to ask.

I know I will.